


i was in full bloom until i met you

by lein



Category: Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Emetophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Non-Graphic Violence, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22623562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lein/pseuds/lein
Summary: "Thanks," Carlos says, eyes fixed on the road. He rolls his shoulders, lightening his grip on the wheel.Junpei sinks back into his seat, still half turned towards the other two. He catches his own candy between his teeth and crunches.Beside him, behind him, Akane's smiling as she hums along to some love song on the radio
Relationships: Carlos/Kurashiki Akane/Tenmyouji Junpei
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	1. every piece of me that's broken

**Author's Note:**

> at the behest of a friend, i played 999 and started vlr way back in 2011 like. Before ztd and then never kept up with it.
> 
> last year, i picked it up again in some fever induced haze of needing a new thing to hyperfocus on and also just wanting to look at all the characters i already loved through the lens of the full trilogy. 
> 
> junpei tenmyouji, if you're fucking out there, i love you. happy birthday heart emoji
> 
> title is from flip by glass animals. [ here's a playlist of other songs that remind me of this game ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7we46iyF1r1VVUKDqtTqVw?si=TsVyxD1ARoGTrBdbXfspSw)

"You should be happy to see me, _Jumpy_ ," is the first thing Aoi says after he steps out of his car to assess the situation, after hugging his sister and making sure she's unharmed. The gun is on the ground next to Carlos's feet. Delta's blood is soaking into the sand beneath. "I'm here to save you this time."

Junpei can't stop himself from glaring at Aoi. His voice is too sharp and mocking, laced through with barbed wire knowledge that he had to help Akane into this, too bullet sharp, like the kind of snake that spits venom when it's afraid of being eaten.

Junpei knows he's filled with barbs too and wonders if it's the proximity to Akane that does it, this deep-seated urge to keep her safe as she tries to change fate of her, of everyone around her. It'd be almost admirable if she didn't choose the most fucked up ways of doing it.

"Not right now, Aoi," Akane admonishes with a glare. His hand is curled faint against her left wrist almost like those stupid fucking bracelets. It makes Junpei sick to his stomach. He barely registers Carlos taking a step in front of him as Akane turns to face him.

"Junpei..." she sighs, warped and tired. Junpei can't get the images of her beating Carlos to death in the room with the reactor, of her cutting his hand off with a chainsaw before he kills her. It's another series of images to add to his nightmares; he thinks it'll add on nicely to Clover's axe and the cold cold water filling the wound in his back as he inhaled until he couldn’t breathe anymore. 

He doesn't know how long they really spent here despite knowing the real answer is none, despite knowing they won the coin toss in this reality and got out safely. He doesn't know if his deaths even count now, this consciousness never experienced them directly. He's free of all blame. Junpei wonders if the ethics of it even matter now.

He's tired.

"Junpei," Akane says again and takes a step towards him, Aoi's hand still a bracelet around her wrist as he tries his best not to antagonize the rest of the group. "Are you alright?"

Junpei laughs because he can't figure out how else to respond, it bubbles up his throat like it's closing from the poison they were laced with in another timeline. Absently, his hand grabs the very bottom of Carlos's shirt and rubs the hems against his fingers. "I think i'm getting a fucking sunburn," he says in lieu of anything else.

Akane rolls her eyes and turns her gaze up towards Carlos, still a step in front of Junpei; his back is to Delta's body and the gun, his shoulders are shaking just the slightest.

It's easier to be the one on the other edge of death than to be the cause.

Junpei rubs Carlos's shirt against his knuckles and sways forward, towards his shoulder and doesn't touch him.

* * *

Carlos is silent in the car, in the hotel room. 

Aoi takes his hand off of Akane's wrist long enough for her to pull him into a hug and shove him out of the door. Junpei knows it's a lost cause, that he'll be back within the hour to haunt the other bed in the room.

With the door closed, the room feels just enough like the underground lounge that Junpei can feel the hairs on the back of his neck start to raise. His shoulders follow, his body. He was asleep when Mira killed him but he knows what he looked like in the pantry, in pieces, and he knows that in different branches of the same scenario Akane and Carlos died for it too. 

He turns and shoves the curtains aside to open the sliding door onto the little patio outside. Some tension melts with the easy twist of the lock, the feeling of fresh air. 

Carlos sits on the bed and stares at the floor.

"We did what we had to," Akane says. Her voice is barely audible, quiet but resolute, her steps are always steady. She compartmentalizes grief into categories, little ones that mold her outsides like a stiff soldier. She's been through too many of these games to ever be okay, to ever think of the past as a memory rather than a jumping point to build another path.

Junpei knows that she's already thinking towards their next goal, that she'll do anything to get it. He'll never truly understand but he’s starting to. It makes him sick.

Outside, the sky is massive.

* * *

The ring is still in his pocket in this timeline. Junpei doesn't know if he wants to wait for a better, a more normal moment to give it to her.

It's late now, evident from the glowing street lights outside casting their ruddy light through the glass of the sliding door. He wonders if they've lived past the bunker fully yet and knows that for Sigma and Diana, it won't be for months.

Aoi is back, pacing a hole in the floor. In retaliation maybe, for Junpei asking him and Akane to shut up about the stupid impending disaster set to eradicate the world in some mysterious amount of time for one fucking night. It’s both a blessing and a curse to have another person in the room.

Akane is staring at the ceiling from where she’s laying on the bed closest to the door, Carlos is still sitting on the other one. 

The Decision Game left more questions than answers compared to the Nonary Game Akane and her brother spearheaded a year ago, there's no neat bow to tie the whole experience up into. Junpei drank himself to sleep nearly every day this past year to cope with that alone, now he has Akane back and memories of things that never happened in this timeline. It seems fitting he found her this way.

The room feels too fucking small despite the places he's been trapped being leagues bigger than it. It's something about the atmosphere, the fact that he just has to wait here until tomorrow without any sort of task or puzzle to solve. 

He needs to get out.

Junpei pushes away from the wall, scrapes his hand against Carlos's shoulder as he passes him. "I'm going for a walk," he says, just loud enough for the room to hear. Aoi stops pacing long enough to catch Junpei's eye. His gaze is unreadable, sharp, sharp, sharp but not exactly hostile. 

He doesn't say anything.

"I'll come too," Carlos says and Junpei can hear him stand, feet both heavy and light against the carpeted floor.

* * *

There's a nice breeze outside, something welcome after the dry desert air, the stuffy bomb shelter, the stagnant hotel room. Junpei doesn't smoke much but he thinks now would be a good time as any if he could.

He can hear Carlos's footsteps behind him, half a step, and then beside him. There isn't much to the surrounding area, a single road with a gas station fifty feet from the hotel and a couple of fast food restaurants nearby. No one had wanted to eat when they stopped earlier, Junpei still doesn't.

"You think there's a bar close?" he says, his voice both amplified and muffled by the silence around them.

"Why?" Carlos asks and it almost sounds amused. "So you can celebrate again?"

"We lived, didn’t we?” he throws back. “I'm trying not to think about how many times we didn't."

Carlos hums and the crunch of gravel and sand overwhelms it.

The road continues, petering on to nothing but sand and sand and sand. 

They keep walking.

Junpei's dreamt of sand for months, of being swallowed up and amassed, of walking and walking and walking into nothing and finding no one there. If he blinks, he can see Building Q lingering in the background, getting smaller and smaller until Akane's gone and he'll never see her again. Maybe now, he'll blink again and see D-com with its tall conical architecture like shitty thimbles right beside it.

He's had enough of deserts, of being trapped in rooms, of puzzles, of bracelets. He's so fucking tired of everything and Junpei knows he'll never have a normal life again. Not with Akane, not without. He still wants her. 

There's no branch where he doesn't.

A hand reaches out to touch his shoulder and he flinches, head snapping up towards the figure next to him. 

Carlos.

"You alright?"

The road is still next to them, on their right. In the distance, Junpei can see the barest beginnings of a town. Carlos is still looking at him with gentle eyes, hand still light against his shoulder. He's so much taller than Junpei.

Junpei shrugs and then says, "you and Aoi."

Carlos tilts his head just slightly, eyebrows pinning together as he tries to parcel together Junpei's answer. "Me and... Aoi?"

"Akane's brother."

He nods, slowly. "Yes, we were introduced. What about him?"

"You're similar," Junpei says and waves a hand like it means anything. It doesn't. Nothing means anything.

"We are?"

Junpei nods and looks back out into the desert. "The game last year,” he says finally. “I met him for the first time then. I hadn't seen Akane since we were kids and suddenly we were trapped in this replica of the Titantic with these stupid numbered bracelets on our wrists and told that we had to play this game or die by some guy named Zero."

"There were nine of us that had bracelets. We gave each other names," Junpei continues; he doesn't know why he's telling Carlos this or really even why it matters to his earlier statement but he starts to count off numbers on his fingers almost frantically. The words keep bubbling up his throat like bile. "One, Ace. Two, Snake. Three, Santa, Aoi. Four, Clover. Five, me; Akane had said my name before we even had the idea to call each other something else."

He shakes his outstretched hand slightly and continues.

"Six, June, Akane. Seven, Seven." Junpei can feel the corners of his mouth twitch just barely upwards, he wonders if Seven's still well. The last they talked, Junpei had mentioned the lead he had gotten about D-com and Akane. He wonders, absently, if he should tell Seven that it was some sort of a success. "Eight, Lotus. And nine, he didn't matter. It felt like a joke honestly, until it wasn't, until that guy was dead and– and–"

Carlos squeezes his shoulder, the pressure's nice. Junpei looks up at him and breathes. He's so tall, his face is so soft and concerned as he tells Junpei, "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

He does, something inside him is screaming, he has to. There's something about this that makes sense somewhere, something about this that Junpei has to talk through instead of just thinking. If he just puts it all out there, he'll feel better, like vomiting to settle the stomach after one drink too many.

Junpei shakes his head and rambles on, voice getting louder and more frantic, "The game was set up to tell us something. There were clues everywhere, puzzles. We had to open doors with our bracelets using this machine and make sure everyone was in and had scanned a matching one to deactivate bombs inside us, according to Zero. Only it wasn't real. They were just trying to scare us to make sure we followed the right path and the right choices."

"They had made sure, spent years trying to replicate this game and make sure it only harmed the people it was meant to harm. I," he takes another shaky breath, and focuses on the pressure of Carlos's hand. His own voice is close and far away at the same time, frantic and flatlined. "I found out that eighteen children were kidnapped and forced to do the same thing nine years prior with less care. Something had happened that they were trying to recreate."

"Something happened?"

He nods. "The kids, they were all pairs of siblings who could access the morphogenetic field. They had meant to separate them between the building we were in and a ship called the Gigantic but had fucked up and had a pair of siblings in each one. Seven, he had– he had been able to rescue the kids on the ship but one of the girls got upset about leaving a doll–" he cuts himself off to gasp together enough air– "her friend had given her and got trapped in the incinerator."

Junpei looks at the road, the sand beyond Carlos. 

"She lived and died, her brother watched it happen. She was twelve."

"She..." Carlos says and thinks. "Was she the one who made the second game?"

Junpei nods, slowly, and then nods again when the first feels wrong. "She survived because she heard my voice, from last year, guiding her through the puzzle to turn off the incinerator. She was dead and alive for nine years, planning how to get me to save her."

"And you did." Carlos sounds so sure, firm, about it that it makes Junpei laugh, makes him tip forward to rest against his chest.

"Sometimes."

"You did," he says, softer. His other hand comes up to squeeze Junpei's other shoulder. 

Junpei smiles, all skeleton and water.

"I think Aoi was scared," he says after a stretch of silence, "that after so much careful planning, he'd be back watching his sister die. He raised her, you know. All he ever wanted was for her to be okay."

"Wait, wait..." there's weight behind the words, like Carlos is just sewing together cloth pieces one by one and deciding the entire quilt is for tomorrow's reward. 

Junpei waits.

"Zero was.... Akane? That's-"

"-why she didn't want to talk about it before, yeah," Junpei finishes, he's finished shaking physically. His mind still feels like it's processing too much, that his body is miles away, the moon perhaps.

"Huh," Carlos says and it's as succinct as it should be when dealing with Akane, confused and too much and not enough. "That explains a lot."

Junpei grins, cheek pressed against Carlos's collarbone. "doesn't it?" and then after a pause, he adds: "That's how you and Aoi are similar. Akane; she's his Maria."

Carlos makes a noise and squeezes Junpei's shoulders harder.

"He'll help us, we'll all help," Junpei rambles and brings his hands up to thumb the back of Carlos's shirt at the hemline, almost like a hug. Carlos slides his hands to properly complete the action. "We're going to help Maria."

* * *

The first thing Carlos does when they get back to the hotel room is pull Aoi into a hug. 

Akane, startled into sitting, glances between him and Junpei, eyes wide and confused. Junpei can see Aoi's mouth open and close, hands hovering out in front of him awkwardly like he doesn't know whether to return the gesture or push him back. One strays towards his pocket slowly.

"Carlos?" Akane asks for her brother. 

Carlos jolts, breaking the embrace and turning to face Akane. Junpei catches his hand coming up to rub at the back of his head slightly as he lays beside her on the bed, close enough to touch but not quite.

"Sorry," Carlos starts, nervous laughter breaking the middle of it. "Junpei and I talked and..."

Akane glances down at Junpei, knife sharp curiosity digging into him. He turns his back to her and looks at the headboard.

"Junpei."

"Business hours are over," he says, purposely adding a robotic edge onto his tone. "Please hang up and call again tomorrow."

"Junpei," she says again. Her hands grab at Junpei's. She pushes until he's on his back with his hands above his hand and she's straddling him with a giggle. " _Jumpy._ "

"Hey, hey, hey," Aoi says and starts to stomps over, feet nearly leaving phantom impressions of the boots by the door. "Break it up, children, before I fucking vomit."

Akane shakes her head, hair following the movement. Junpei feels frozen, face hot as he stares up at both of them. 

She opens her mouth to say something and Junpei, briefly, hears nothing but a looped tape of her explanation about glycerin. 

"Maria," Carlos says and Junpei boils as Akane's mouth snaps closed. She drops his hands and turns, Aoi too, towards Carlos.

"Maria..." she parrots. Junpei sits up, still underneath her. "Your sister?"

"I was eighteen when our house burned down," he explains to Aoi because he's the only one who doesn't know, hand still carding through the back of his hair. He's avoiding eye contact. "She's been in the hospital ever since with reverie syndrome. Junpei and I talked about some stuff and, I don't know, he compared her to Akane."

Carlos laughs again, still a nervous titter. His cheeks are the barest bit red. "I think the residual worry from seeing him freak out in the parking lot mixed with that comparison triggered something deep within me." He lowers his hand, offering it to Aoi in a smooth, sure, gesture. Akane levels Junpei with a look, eyes wide and full of something that might be worry. "Sorry about that."

Aoi blinks, takes a step towards Carlos before he grins. "You shot a guy in the middle of the fucking desert for my sister," he says and Junpei can feel Akane wince where they're pressed together. Aoi takes another step and holds his arms out, pushing Carlos's offered handshake aside. He sounds sincere for once, odd to hear when he's talking about something vaguely positive. "Come here, big guy. Let's fucking hug it out."

With a matching smile, softer, less dagger sharp, Carlos pulls him into another hug. It's even stranger than the first one

Akane leans against Junpei's chest with a soft smile. under her breath, Junpei can hear her murmur only loud enough for him to hear, "he kept the gun."

"Of fucking _course_ , he did," Junpei says and wraps an arm around her back, rubs circles into the knit of her dress. "He's related to you."

She giggles and Junpei hates how his heart leaps at that.

* * *

Aoi is sitting against the headboard, his feet are against Junpei's back, have been there since Junpei opened his stupid mouth and said he felt like his body felt like it was turning to ash without something real to focus on. 

Carlos had sat down then, moved until he was laying, and pulled Junpei half on top of his chest, tucked underneath his chin. Akane had taken Junpei's other side, hand moving to grab his where it rested against Carlos's chest, leaving her draped against his back until her brother sat down and used his socked feet as a way to separate them. She had adjusted, flipped over to reach the light switch and then moved back to press Junpei into Carlos harder. 

A part of Junpei's brain, one not fuzzy with pressure and relief to still be with Akane, feeling her against him, had almost reached back to bat Aoi's feet away but, it had reasoned back, Aoi had his reasons. His own, deeply fucked up, reasons. 

They'll never be normal, no one in this room, in the next, or the other one too. No one from the nonary games, no one from the Decision Game either. He wonders, idly, if Crash Keys has a therapist, or twenty; no one normal would believe the things they've seen.

It takes hours to fall asleep without alcohol, hours without soporil. Junpei dreams of Carlos betraying him in the room with the reactor and watching, like a fly on the wall, Akane beating him to death for it. 

He's somewhere else later and gets a knife in the back for it.

* * *

Junpei wakes up with Aoi's feet still on his back, slipped down his spine more as his legs relaxed in sleep. Akane's weighing him down now, pressing him into both Carlos and the mattress.

They survived.

Eyes closed, he lets himself remember this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a beast to finish but it is actually done and will be updated probably weekly so i can edit it in chunks instead of trying to both import the whole thing from my ipad notes and rush to capitalize/edit everything.


	2. all the wrestling has left me bruised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Junpei," she says, quiet like a bullet. Her eyebrows are knitted together, mouth in a tight line. She almost looks like a real person like this, someone untouched by everything she's been through, everything that's warped her from ever living a normal life again.  
>   
> His eyes focus sharp onto her. She's the only thing he wants to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the it-gets-worse-before-it-gets-better? chapter
> 
> tw for emetophobia in the 3rd scene. nothing graphic but like. jic

It isn't like last time, escaping the ship only to find out they were never in a ship at all, only to find that Akane and her brother were gone, leaving them with a car and Ace, bound, mouth taped shut. Junpei had felt both numb and frantic, desperate to find Akane and make sure she was okay still, that he had really helped her.

Clover had taken the wheel to surprisingly little protest, instructing her brother to sit in the back. Seven and Lotus had followed him, after Clover had waved them back as well.

"Junpei," she had said and batted her eyelashes at him. "Be a second set of eyes?"

He had laughed, the sound of it bubbling like acid up his throat, and climbed into the passenger's seat. 

They hadn't found Akane or Aoi then, only Alice and the sight of her made him do a double take. The group dissolved quickly after getting to the nearest town. 

Akane's driving now. 

They had left the other car at the hotel with Sigma, Eric, and Mira after an awkward powwow in the parking lot revealed she had wanted to turn herself over to the police. The two had apparently talked over the night and decided they were going to drive back to where-fucking-ever together. Eric had promised to see it through with that stupid smile on his face. Junpei hadn't cared if they were lying.

Diana, wringing her fingers, had suggested someone else go with them to make sure. Carlos had agreed, had even offered to call local law enforcement to make sure it happened until Sigma had stepped forward and that had seemed to settle it.

The conversation meadered then to goals. Phi had shrugged when Akane had asked why she, Diana, and Sean, someone had called him, wanted to go back to Diana’s house, said that their first order of business was to wait for Sigma to get back. Her place was close enough to quell Carlos’s frenetic desire to see his sister again, to finally try to figure out how to help her. 

Junpei, tired of listening to the group at large, had climbed into the new car halfway through Sigma’s explanation of long term goals and waited until the other group had gotten into the other. 

He’s sitting behind Akane, cheek pressed against the glass of the window. Carlos is next to him. There’s just enough room for the two of them to fit comfortably in the smaller seat. Phi, Diana, and Sean had all climbed into the way back.

In the passenger's seat, Aoi is brandishing a lollipop like a wand as he rants about something Junpei tuned out hours ago. His feet are propped up on the dash.

Junpei crosses his arms, leaning farther into the door. He can feel the heat of Carlos’s leg where they’re pressed together. He lets that and the rocking of the car slowly lull him to sleep.

* * *

Phi gets this strange look on her face whenever she sees Junpei and Akane. She's had it ever since they all got introduced at D-com. Akane blinked the first time she saw it and then a second later had made a noise like she understood and, not for the first time, not for the last, Junpei has no fucking clue what she knows. 

It's nighttime when they make it to Diana's apartment; Phi levels Akane with another, different, more cryptic look, in the main room as Diana attempts to search for something for dinner and Akane glances at him once, looks back to Phi, and shrugs. 

Phi slides her gaze over to him, arms crossed, eyes unreadable. Junpei bristles.

"What the fuck is your pro–"

"Tenmyouji." Her voice is sudden, startlingly soft and solid. It makes Junpei jump, shoulders tensing. He's not used to being addressed by his last name anymore, not since he moved to America. Sigma had used it exclusively at D-com.

"What?" He grits his teeth as he says it. Something about this sets him on edge. Akane's left the room; it’s empty of everyone but him and Phi.

"Tenmyouji," she repeats and then takes a step closer. "Sigma and I met you, a different you, when we failed."

"When you failed?" he parrots. Like he’s talking to Akane, he feels like every new word from her is nothing of an explanation but another question he doesn't know if he wants to know. "Failed what?"

"We played a game," Phi says and the sound of the word fills him with dread; the way she says it, flat and cold, makes him shiver and boil all at once, "forty five years in another future to send us back into the past. We wanted to make sure the virus never got out of that underground facility."

He remembers Carlos, remembers Akane, remembers standing at the top of the elevator after Carlos waited ten whole fucking months to rescue them, remembers the prick on his wrist and falling and forgetting. Through Carlos, he remembers seeing his body crumple to the ground, remembers Akane holding the top of her bracelet before tossing it to the ground, remembers her telling him she had to make the A B Project a success. Through Akane, he remembers walking away.

"The A B Project," he says. His mind feels hours away, a timeline apart. His body is rooted to the floorboards and itchy.

Phi nods.

A laugh bubbles up Junpei's throat, hot and acrid; he feels like he's swallowed acid. He had to forget for the project to succeed, Akane had stressed. Phi, in front of him, with her white hair, looks like a ghost. "You knew me, right?" he says because it's the only fucking conclusion, isn't it. "You fucking knew me, that's why you always fucking look at me like that, like you can't fucking believe it, right?"

Phi flinches, almost minutely, as he gets louder and more hysterical with every word. There's a rush of movement somewhere Junpei doesn't see. Instead he watches Phi and how she steels her shoulders. 

"We succeeded." she says and it sounds so much like Akane that something in Junpei aches. 

Something leaks, bursts. 

Junpei doesn't know why, maybe the fact that there's too many fucking people in this apartment that can access the stupid fucking morphogenetic field, but there's a rush of information that hits him all at once.

There's a elevator bay, an old man with an eyepatch, a warehouse, a child, another old man with some stupid bolo tie, Diana, Clover, Alice, Akane dead, Akane alive, Quark with a scalpel screaming for someone to let him die, leaving with Quark, Tenmyouji talking about Akane, the moon, Alice dead, Clover and Tenmyouji handcuffed to the sink, Dio and the bombs, _Lagomorph, Luna, Quark, Quark, Quark–_

Junpei collapses; his head feels like it's stuffed full of cotton, everything Phi's seen, everything Akane’s seen, everything another him has, beating at his eyelids, begging to be looked at first like starving fish scrambling against each other for food, cannibalizing each other and themselves to get it. Distantly, someone touches his shoulder.

The first thing he says after is, "why the fuck did i think a bolo tie was a good idea?" And when his stomach lurches and he manages to push his hands against the floor to sit up better, he follows it with, "I'm going to fucking vomit now."

* * *

Junpei feels like he's a thousand miles away, his brain a timeline or fifty displaced, instead of vomiting in Diana's toilet as she rubs his back. She's saying something indistinct that doesn't register over the heartbeat playing in his ears. None of the words matter, only the way she says them, low and soothing.

Distant, there's a knock on the doorframe and a splash of colour pokes into the room a second after. Diana says something and directs Junpei to rest his back against the tub behind him, lowers the lid of the toilet and flushes it.

Someone pushes into the restroom. Akane, he registers a beat too late, like her and Sigma infected him with that shitty virus again. 

"Junpei," she says, quiet like a bullet. Her eyebrows are knitted together, mouth in a tight line. She almost looks like a real person like this, someone untouched by everything she's been through, everything that's warped her from ever living a normal life again. 

His eyes focus sharp onto her. She's the only thing he wants to see.

In the background, Diana pulls the toilet lid open and says something, standing in a rush of red. Junpei remembers Luna on the floor of the crew quarters and Alice dead in front of her. Luna was a robot, he remembers. She didn’t bleed blood. 

Diana leaves, closing the door slightly behind her.

Akane kneels, hands coming up to cup Junpei's face and nudging a thin plastic band into his hair, pushing it up and out of his face.

"Akane," he says. It's scratchy; his throat feels like it's full of bile. He doesn't know what he wants to say to her, he doesn't know what he should.

"I did what I had to," she repeats, an echo of the night before. The look in her eyes is no less cold and dead than it was before, than it was when she injected him on top of the elevator in the darkness of the desert. "We succeeded, no one had to die this time."

Junpei swallows, it stings but somewhere far away. "That doesn't–" and coughs on it, the end rising up his esophagus. He moves, feels Akane sharp like a knife against him as she helps him towards the toilet.

"That doesn't erase how many times we failed," he says when he's finished. "You didn't–" His head throbs, pulsing like thunder, like the explosions he's lived and died through. "I could've–"

"No." her voice is flat, hands coming up to cover his where they're white knuckling the seat. She rests her forehead, gently against his upper back. She’s so much warmer in person, pressed against him, here. "You needed to live the life you did then for us to live our lives now."

He's tired.

"Akane–"

"You didn't know," she says, quiet in the hush of the bathroom. Junpei shivers against her; her breath against his neck prickles like a shot. "I needed everything to work out exactly the way I saw it. There was no guarantee it would happen if you helped us."

"You used us."

"I did what I had to," she repeats again and it means nothing and everything all at once. He'll never know the truth until he opens the box, that suit of armour containing her or K.

"Junpei," she tries again after a small pause. "I wouldn't have been focused on anything else but that game and perfecting it. I wouldn't have hesitated to use you more, I–" there's something warped in the way she says it, like she knows for sure; she's lived many lives over this current one. She squeezes his hands. "I trust you, Junpei, more than anyone else. You wouldn't have followed the plan to the letter we needed you to."

"It was for the better," she reasons to herself more than Junpei, "so I wanted to give you something good for once."

"Isn't it sad I still want to marry you?" he says in lieu of anything else and proceeds to finish emptying his stomach into Diana's toilet.

* * *

In the haze of voices that hits him when he finally emerges from the restroom, Junpei focuses on the look Aoi gives him. 

Dagger sharp, cold like the still water filling the bottom of Building Q, but not entirely hostile, not entirely unfriendly. 

Aoi watches him like a scientist would watch lab subjects, his hair starting to fall out to frame his face in the absence of his second headband. Junpei wonders if Akane gave Aoi that dead, unfeeling look or if he gave it to her.

A second later and Aoi's mouth twists into a grin, barely friendly by normal standards. Reaching up to touch at his own hair, he says, "Akane really just made you look like an idiot, didn't she?" He takes a step forward and Junpei lets him, frozen at gunpoint even though the thing hasn't left Aoi's pocket since they left the desert. Something like relief fills him because, despite everything, Junpei still found them.

Behind them, he hears Akane sniff. "I did not. Jumpy looks cute."

Glancing back at his sister, Aoi's face softens more as he takes another step forward, towards Junpei and then reaches up to pull the headband down far more gently than Junpei would have ever imagined. Aoi leaves it to hang by the bottom of his nose for a second, to adjust Junpei's hair, before sliding it back up just a little too far back and then a little forward. 

"He's okay," Aoi says. "You just see everything through rose coloured glasses because you're," here he fakes a gag, "in love with him."

* * *

After much arguing, they spend the night crowded in Diana's living room.

Diana, Akane, and Carlos had loudly insisted on wanting to let Junpei rest despite Junpei himself objecting to the fuss. Aoi had agreed with him and continued to do so in the wake of the other three getting Sean and Phi on their side too. 

Junpei, alone, gets the living room couch, to no great battle, and eventually falls asleep in the bathtub after tucking Akane under the blanket there instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not to plug social media but i'm on tumblr @fay-fluorite and twitter @liynnie
> 
> [ anyways, plugs fullbloom playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7we46iyF1r1VVUKDqtTqVw?si=TsVyxD1ARoGTrBdbXfspSw) y'know. for fun *wink*


	3. i will trust the artist moulding me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching Aoi stuff a handful of fries too large to fit into his mouth at a California rest-stop is an experience Junpei can't say he ever envisioned happening in the wake of losing Akane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's time for my specialty, a bunch of people talking over food

Watching Aoi stuff a handful of fries too large to fit into his mouth at a California rest-stop is an experience Junpei can't say he ever envisioned happening in the wake of losing Akane.

It's surreal, he thinks. It doesn't feel real, nothing feels real anymore; for all his life spent without a watch, his wrist is empty.

Earlier, they said goodbye to Diana, Phi, and Sean, leaving the mother, daughter, ersatz child to wait for Sigma's return. They had traded numbers, them and Carlos, them and Akane's burner phone, the one she was currently using.

Phi had eyed Junpei over her breakfast but had said nothing.

At the door, Sean had stepped forward and hugged Junpei, head awkwardly pressed against his chest for the small second it lasted. "We never got to talk," he had said and it had struck something, resonated with the fact that Sean was both like them and not, both young like Quark and not. Quark hasn’t been born yet. "Next time, okay?"

Junpei had only nodded in return, listened absent as Akane promised to find everything that Delta had hidden away from the bomb shelter.

Here, now, she's off on the phone with someone. She had stepped off a little after they had arrived with some comment on how she had a small matter to resolve. Junpei thinks back to the promise she made this morning, to Clover and Alice and how they were taken and frozen days ago, and wonders which one she means. 

Carlos is next to him, close enough that their shoulders almost touch or would if he wasn't so fucking tall. Junpei thinks about that a lot, how much taller he is than him and Akane. He had dwarfed her easily back in the bunker and something about that had meant something to Junpei.

Pressed against him at the tiny table, he still can't put a name to it.

Next to him, his phone is charging. Delta had apparently packed up whatever things they had brought to D-com sometime between locking everyone in those cages and letting them go. They had found them tucked neatly against the building. The care of it all had felt the most fucked up.

He hadn't had the chance to charge it at the hotel or at Diana's, too close to hyperventilating and too far outside from his own body to even think about it. It hadn't mattered at D-com, any sort of outside communication confiscated by the people running the Mars simulation. Junpei had been surprised to find it in his bag at all.

The screen, when he powers it up, is too bright. Aoi, in the middle of methodically peeling what looks like plastic lettuce off his sandwich, glances over.

"You expectin' a message?" he says, waves the lettuce absently, and starts to go pull at the tomato too. "A girlfriend or something, you got one?"

"A girlfriend," Junpei repeats, slow and dumb. Aoi, out of everyone, should know how much Akane means to him. Carlos is looking down at Junpei, eyes too wide and concerned over nothing. "What the fuck? Why the hell would I have a girlfriend?"

"You gay then?"

Junpei frowns. 

Aoi places the lettuce, tomato, down against the paper lining Junpei's tray because his own is covered in pulled apart remnants of the last burger, grabs a handful of fries in return. "Nothing wrong with that," Aoi continues. "Everyone's hot. But I ain't gonna be the one to break the news to my sister."

The ring burns a hole in Junpei's pocket; he grabs and pulls at it. Setting it on the table, he says, "When all the fucked up shit is over, I'm gonna marry her," and then after a pause he tacks on: "Asshole."

Aoi laughs, disgusting and ugly.

" _When all the fucked up shit is over_ , he says. It's Akane, you dipshit. Once we catch that shitty whoever the fuck, she'll just hop right over to the next world crisis."

Aoi shoves the fries in his mouth and picks up the ring, gingerly. His eyes are half lidded, almost disinterested, as he turns it over. He glances at Carlos and gestures with it idly. "It's kinda gaudy, right?"

Carlos laughs. It's sharp and a little too loud but it feels right, comforting to hear. The grin on his face feels like it belongs there, Junpei hopes it'll stay. 

"Akane seemed to enjoy it when she first saw it," Carlos says, "even though Junpei put it on the wrong hand."

"Hey–"

"Eh?" Aoi's mouth starts to grow into a matching smile, eyebrows raising. The hand holding the ring closes around it fully. "Really?" He sounds giddy, on the verge of a laugh, reaching over with his greasy french fry hand to pat Junpei's shoulder. "That's fucking rich, Jumpy, tell me more."

The hand on his shoulder feels gross, odd against the strangely positive reaction from Aoi. Junpei feels his nose wrinkle involuntarily. He shakes off the hand, the action throwing him closer to Carlos. He reaches towards Aoi's other hand in a desperate need to have the ring back safely in his possession. 

"Give it back, asshole."

Aoi grins wider and leans back, ring hand raised up and back. "I'll fucking throw it," he threatens, voice lower than normal, when Junpei starts to stand, one hand on the table, and reaches farther. The knife sharp look in his eyes is back, the same one he had brandishing the golden revolver a year ago. He's still grinning.

Junpei drops his hand with a tense, "fuck you," and keeps standing.

Aoi's voice is normal when he speaks again, levity both honest and forced. "You proposed to my sister, I want to hear the full story."

"It was sweet," Carlos starts before Junpei can put the words together into something vaguely coherent sounding. "Or... well..." 

Out of the corner of his eye, Junpei watches Carlos cross his arms before he continues, "Considering the circumstances, I think it was. Akane told you about what happened there, right?"

Aoi raises an eyebrow. "That shitty dead guy broke you all into teams and told you to kill each other?"

Carlos nods. 

The absurdity of the situation hits Junpei then, talking about this in a public rest-stop with regular, normal, people surrounding them; people eating their food without a care in the world, oblivious to any impending large scale disaster. There's a sourness in the bottom of his stomach that feels like anger, at Akane, at Aoi, for pulling him into all these shitty life and death and life games, for ruining any sense of normality he could've had, for using him and using him only to string him along and use him more but–

Junpei sits, sulks, pulls his arms against his chest to try and square himself against any possible onlookers. In this transient place, strangers both listen and don't, there for the gossip and the ride. 

There isn't anything he would have done differently. He'd save Akane ten times over if it meant he could be here now. Across the table, Aoi is still holding onto the ring, arm slightly back as he leans forward to listen to Carlos with an expression that makes Junpei want to slap him.

"We needed six x-passes to leave," Carlos says, grabbing a fry from Junpei's tray. He winks, briefly, before looking back to Aoi and Junpei feels something. 

Something that dies when Aoi reaches forward and mimics the theft, placing them on top of his burger and covering them with the bun. 

"Stop taking my fucking fries."

Aoi rolls his eyes, takes a large bite and says through it, "they became community fries when you stopped eating."

" _Community–_ "

"We," Carlos interrupts just a little louder. Aoi leans in just a little closer, "had five in the timeline we shifted to. Junpei had come up with a plan to get the last. It was dangerous and Akane got rightfully pissed at both of us." he grins, sheepish, and raises a hand to rub at the back of his head. "He then asked if she remembered wanting to wear a ring when she was little and slipped it on her finger. It was sweet."

Aoi hums, leaning back in his chair again. "No typical grandiose thing including taking a knee and confessing your undying love for her?" he says and it's halfway between amused and disappointed. "Just made her live through you two killing yourselves in another branch to get some more information."

"We didn't kill ourselves," Junpei says because the distinction matters to him. "We died in that timeline regardless, I just wanted to make sure she lived."

"And then you jumped back and lived happily ever after or whatever?"

Smile turning rueful, Carlos shakes his head. "And then they rejected the passcodes for not being from that timeline, we got attacked by extra Seans, and I, after a fucked up series of shifts, cloned the two of them into the timeline where Radical-6 got out."

"Oh my god," Aoi says and then laughs because all of them have fucked up their senses of humour. He reaches over and drops the ring on Junpei's tray. Careful, away from any food. Junpei grabs it and tucks it away again. "That's fucking rich. I shouldn't have expected anything different."

"From what I've heard, it seems very in character for the two of them."

"Hey," Junpei says, because it isn't his fault Akane is the way that she is, and Carlos laughs. He's too bright when Junpei turns towards him, teeth white and contrasting against the pink of his shirt. Startlingly, he looks inviting in a way Akane could never be, charismatic and trustworthy and so fucking earnest. 

Akane, weighed down with paradox after paradox, has a smile that's hard to understand until you experience it, until you sit with her and hear her ramble about things that mean everything and nothing at all, until you know how calculating and cold she can be. It makes everything worth it, makes her smiles all the better. Junpei loves her for all that she is and hates her all the same.

Carlos is different, almost normal, or he would be if he had never gone through that bullshit game they did. Out of all of them, he had mattered the least to it, had played the least possible role in their game, but he had mattered. He had played a good hero, a better mediator between Junpei and Akane. 

Here, now, Carlos remains a steady weight, a calm river against the unpredictable tides of Akane, the on and off rainstorm of Aoi whose winds one day aim to be a hurricane. Junpei himself feels like a waterfall, just falling and falling and falling and waiting to be caught again. 

A tray, salad and water, clacks against the table next to Aoi's.

"Sorry," Akane murmurs as she sits, carefully quiet. She has her hair up again today, braided intricately; Junpei couldn't stop staring at it in the car. She leans over to place a bag on the ground next to her. "I tried to wait to buy snacks until we were all together but I couldn't resist."

"You bought candy?" Junpei asks as she tears open the wrapping covering her plastic fork, drizzles dressing over her salad like a consolation.

She nods, grave. "The packaging was just too... appealing."

"Want a fry?"

* * *

There's a message from Seven on Junpei's phone when he goes to unplug it. Aoi gives him a sour grin and asks him to tell his boyfriend he said hi.

"Boyfriend?" Akane says and her mouth can't seem to agree on a smile or a frown.

"I don't have a fucking boyfriend, Santa," Junpei says, absently, and unlocks his phone. The message is a few days old, dated the day after the experiment started, and simple: _let me know how it goes._

In lieu of responding, Junpei closes it and opens the camera. On the screen Akane tilts her head, hand still idly holding the plastic fork. Aoi, next to her, is still grinning in his gaudy windbreaker. His arms are folded, resting on the table as he leans forward just slightly, mouth opening to say something probably infuriating. His tray is a mess of half dissected food.

"Jun–" Akane starts instead as Junpei takes a picture; his phone snaps quickly with it. Akane's eyebrows and voice raise higher at the noise. "–pei?"

Aoi arches a brow to match his sister's. He's still smiling but his shoulders are more tense. "Who–"

"Seven," Junpei says, effectively snapping Aoi's jaw closed. He and Akane take a small breath to reset their stress. Junpei lowers his phone slightly, pulling open the message again.

_shit happened_ , he types simply and sends it and sends the picture after too.

* * *

It's a strange attempt at a road trip.

Carlos insists on driving after their stop, Aoi had shrugged and passed over the keys with a sharp pat on the shoulder before climbing into the backmost seat and near immediately falling asleep. Akane, giggling, had followed him and buckled herself into the middle leaving the passenger seat to Junpei.

"Me and my brother have been hogging the front, Jumpy," she had said and left it at that.

Now, she's leaning ever so gentle over the center console so that her head is clearly visible if Junpei even glances left. She's smiling, eyes crinkled along the edges and Junpei thinks he's falling in love with her all over again.

Carlos has the radio turned to nothing in particular, hands almost white-knuckling the steering wheel. There's no doubt he wants to get to Maria as fast as possible but he's careful in keeping his attention on the road and his foot from pressing the gas through the floor.

"Let me know if you need me to take over," Junpei says as Akane ducks down and starts to rustle through the snack bags at her feet. 

Carlos glances over, briefly, out of the corner of his eye. He exhales into a small smile, eyebrows still glued in their worried positions even as his shoulders relax ever so slightly. Junpei likes how expressive he is; it's refreshing to see next to Akane and her brother. 

"Thanks," he says. "I think I'll be okay."

Junpei nods. 

"There you are," Akane murmurs, barely loud enough to be heard over the dull drone of pop music on the radio. There's a louder sound after as she carefully opens the bag, then a smaller wrapper. She leans forward again; her head, once again, in the corner of his peripheral. Junpei turns a little more in his seat to see her better.

Akane extends her hand, fingers cupped around two small bright blue wrappers. "Candy?"

"Ah," he says dumbly because she's smiling, all soft and delicate and it makes his insides burn, and takes one. She raises an eyebrow before turning her hand to drop the second one in his palm. "Thanks..."

"For the road," she says, half on a laugh, as Junpei stares at the candy in his hand. The blue wrappers glint half metallic in the sunlight coming in from the windshield

He unwraps one.

It's sweet, the artificial taste almost entirely off-putting. The candy clacks against his teeth as he pushes it around his mouth. Akane leans against the corner of his seat and hums, idle.

There's a beat; he takes a breath and leans too, towards Carlos, body half turned to face Akane the slightest bit more without contorting himself dangerously. The weight of the other wrapper sinks into his palm, sharp edges cutting into the skin. 

"Hey," he says.

Carlos glances over.

Unwrapping it, Junpei holds the other candy in his fingers like an artificial gem when he offers it to him. Carlos raises an eyebrow, his right hand loosening just barely as if to take it. Junpei feels his brain stop, watches idly as his hand continues until it's pressing the offering to Carlos's lips, watches idly the smile that turns into a laugh as he leans to take it, teeth against fingers.

"Thanks," Carlos says, eyes fixed on the road again. He rolls his shoulders, lightening his grip on the wheel.

Junpei sinks back into his seat, still half turned towards the other two. He catches his own candy between his teeth and crunches.

Beside him, behind him, Akane's smiling as she hums along to some love song on the radio.

* * *

"I'm not letting you drive through the night, Carlos." 

"But–"

"No buts," she says and it's certain. She's frowning, has been since he brought up the idea. Junpei can feel the line of her shoulders half against his in the stuffy diner booth. He's halfway to echoing her stance. "You've been driving all day long."

"Since lunch," Carlos throws back as if it helps his case. He's been stress-running a hand through his hair since they got there, pushing his food around on the plate. "It's not that much longer."

"It's ten," Akane says, stressing the number loudly. Aoi glances up briefly, long enough to raise an eyebrow at her, before continuing to corral pieces of croutons against the side of the plate. she clears her throat, pulling her voice down a notch. "At night. We have three hours left of driving at best. If we rest now, we'll be better equipped to visit your sister first thing tomorrow."

"It's not that much longer," Carlos repeats. "We won't have to pay for another hotel room and we'll be closer to her."

"I'm not poor, Carlos."

"I'm not implying that you are."

"A hotel room means nothing to us," Aoi throws in amongst shreds of lettuce and then steals a fry off of Junpei's plate, ignoring the extra plate of them in the middle of the table, the fries on his own plate half soaked through with dressing after Aoi carefully took apart his wrap to start reassembling it into a more satisfying order. 

Junpei feels his eye start to twitch and when he opens his mouth to say something, Aoi tells him, "we're in-laws now. What's yours is my sister's, is mine."

"What the fuck does that mean."

Aoi grins. 

"Aoi, Jumpy," Akane says, bullet sharp, pulled taught like a bow. She's staring down Carlos across from her. "Please tell Carlos that he's not driving anymore tonight."

"I can," Aoi says, "I slept through the afternoon. Mr. Fireman here," he slaps his hand firmly against Carlos's back. Carlos does an impressive job at standing his ground before sending Junpei a look that cries for help, "needs his beauty sleep or he'll run us off the road and we'll have to shift back to this exact moment."

Junpei takes a deep breath. "Akane's right," he says and watches Carlos deflate just slightly. "No one's gonna sleep well in the car," he pauses briefly and then adds, "not that we'll sleep well anywhere else really, but the chances are better or whatever."

"It's the same amount of time," Akane stresses, "but we'll get more time to rest."

"Fine," Carlos says, sudden and cutting. He takes a breath "Fine, but we're leaving early tomorrow morning."

Akane smiles, melting into it like it had been there all along.


	4. through the mist i see the shape of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junpei, ever one for levity, says, "maybe if he tries hard enough, he'll manage to melt the cars in front of us."
> 
> Akane titters. Her dress today is short sleeved and light against the outside sun. "If only that were possible..."
> 
> "With all the shit I've seen happen in the past few days," Carlos says on the back end of a snort and raises a hand to rake it through his hair. "I really wouldn't write that out of the picture."

Junpei has a ritual.

After every shower, he carefully wipes his feet off before he steps onto the bathmat, before pulling on a first pair of socks, another, and dressing normally. 

In his apartment after the Nonary Game, the feeling of cold tile underneath his wet feet had set him off, reminded him too much of the soaked shoes he had on that day. Brain numb, with bad memories starting to pour down his throat like acid, he had fallen and bruised his knees against the side of his tub. 

Time had suspended itself strangely after that game, simultaneously stuck in a holding pattern of everything at once and nothing at all. With nothing to pull him back to the surface, he had lost another piece of himself. 

He dresses now, socks first, and feels his wrist ache. Through osmosis, his veins fill with phantom soporil.

Junpei hopes it'll make him sleep better tonight.

Akane and Carlos are on the bed closest to the bathroom, the same one he had thrown his jacket on earlier in lieu of talking about sleeping arrangements. He hadn't wanted to elaborate on why he refused to sleep next to the air conditioner. Between them rests a small notebook, Junpei can see her starting to draw a small diagram.

On the other bed, Aoi is staring at the ceiling, phone turned on its side as he absently taps at some game.

"-unconsciously writing to the morphogenetic field. With everything that's currently happening at this point in time," Akane is mumbling, just loud enough to be heard. Her attention is caught on the paper as she draws a circle around a human-esque form, followed by a series of arrows pointing to it. "Latent espers are pulling in too much information from it and shutting down because of it."

Carlos nods. "And you think that's what's wrong with my sister."

"Yes," she says and circles the human again, glances up and catches Junpei's gaze. She raises her hand, the one with the pen in it, and gestures him forward.

Like a marionette, he is powerless to stop his legs from following it, from crawling onto the bed until the three of them make a triangle. Carlos, absently, lays his hand against Junpei's ankle and rubs his thumb against the fabric of Junpei's socks. "You're talking about Maria?"

They nod.

"Knowing the problem is one thing," Akane says, looking up at Junpei through her lashes. "We have to figure out how to fix it."

“There has to be a way to get her to stop accessing the field, right?” Carlos asks. “I started somehow, in the bunker, but there was a time I couldn’t.”

Akane frowns, raising the pen up to her chin in thought. “It’s something that just permeates the human consciousness. With time, we could teach her how to control it but I don’t think it’s something we can just turn off.”

"She's scared, right?" Junpei says, focuses on the stutter start stop of Carlos's thumb against his ankle and the scratch of fabric against bone. "It fucking sucked shifting from one time to another for the first time. I had no idea what was happening. All I knew I had to figure out how the fuck to get off that ship. I didn't have time to be scared because there was more going on but Maria's just." He frowns. "She's just seeing shit for no reason other than two assholes decided to doom the human race just because. I'd want to lose myself in my head too."

Akane blinks up at him, eyes wide when he looks back up at her. She breathes, shocked and quiet. Junpei barrels on, before she can dive back into her own system of clinical problem solving.

"The problem isn't that she's an esper pulling in too much information from the morphogenetic field or whatever, it's that she doesn't know what the hell is happening and it's scaring her. We just have to... fix that." He can feel the cadence of it start to pull to a stop. Carlos is gripping his ankle solid now. "Somehow," he says and pauses on it awkwardly. "Somehow we just have to find a way to tell her it's okay to wake up."

"A way to tell her..." Carlos repeats, frowning down at the diagram on Akane's notebook between them.

"She's your sister, right?" Aoi says. He's still idly tapping at his phone screen when Carlos whips around to face him. "And you're close?" he glances over to catch Carlos's nod.

"Very."

"So, if you reach out using the field, she'll catch it no matter how much she wants to avoid everything else."

"I don't know how to do that though."

Akane hums a soft noise, leans over to cover Carlos's hand on Junpei's ankle. He looks back at her. She smiles, soft and delicate, and it makes Junpei ache. "You're a quick study Carlos," she says, "and with the three of us there to amplify your powers, I know you'll be able to get through to her."

Carlos takes a second to think before nodding, slow. "Talking through the field... it's like shifting, right?"

"A bit," Akane nods. "We access the field to shift or see other timelines but in a different way. Individuals with strong enough bonds to each other, usually siblings," she pauses and glances up at Junpei brief, "but not always, are able to directly send information directly to each other instead of sending our consciousnesses back to other versions of ourselves."

"And there’s no near death experience required?" 

Junpei feels his mouth open and say, "the hospital's a great place for it though," and nearly kicks himself for it until Carlos snorts.

"Sure," he says, glancing over at Junpei. “Better than a bunker rigged to blow, I bet."

"If I had to choose a place to send another version of myself to almost die in, that'd be my first pick."

Akane rolls her eyes before clearing her throat. "Danger is one of the two things that can help to access the field but it isn't necessary. Everyone pulls in information whether they're aware of it or not, espers are just more adept at it."

Thinking back to the ship, the haziness of things painted onto his eyelids that he never wants to remember and can't ever forget, Junpei remembers someone telling him something similar. "Danger and epiphany."

"Danger and epiphany," Akane repeats with a glance and a smile. “If you concentrate enough on her, it should work.'' She sounds certain. "It might take time but it'll work."

"Okay," Carlos says and nods, starts to pull his hand away and get up. "We should get to bed then. I'll leave this one to you lovebirds." He winks and Junpei feels something indistinctly wrong about it.

Chasing the frantic heartbeat that starts in Junpei chest, like a drum, Akane tightens her grip on Carlos's hand, on Junpei's ankle. "Stay," they both say, almost perfectly in sync. 

Carlos blinks and it bubbles into a laugh. "Way to make a guy feel welcome," he says after a beat, with a smile. Warmth seeps into his bones, from their hands. "I guess Aoi gets the other bed to himself then."

On the other bed, Aoi stretches until his legs touch opposite corners and grins, smugly, still tapping away at his phone screen.

* * *

"Glaring at traffic won't make it go any faster," Aoi says from the driver's seat to Carlos riding shotgun. He's wearing sunglasses today, traded yesterday's tacky windbreaker for a tank-top so pink he needs them. "God knows how hard I've fucking tried."

Carlos huffs, settling back in the seat with his arms crossed. He's been tapping his feet for the duration of their trip. The traffic piling up had left him on edge; he keeps checking the arrival time on the GPS, winding himself up tighter every time its tinny voice announces another upcoming delay. 

Junpei, ever one for levity, says, "maybe if he tries hard enough, he'll manage to melt the cars in front of us."

Akane titters. Her dress today is short sleeved and light against the outside sun. "If only that were possible..."

"With all the shit I've seen happen in the past few days," Carlos says on the back end of a snort and raises a hand to rake it through his hair. "I really wouldn't write that out of the picture."

* * *

The parking lot of the hospital is sterile when they pull in, bright sun beating down against the pavement, the white building, making it stand out stark. Carlos's hand is on the seatbelt release from the first turn but he doesn't click it off until Aoi's shifted the car into park. 

His gait is stiff, steps larger than normal, as he leads the way through the halls to Maria's room. 

There's a nurse exiting the room as they approach, an older heavyset woman with short curly hair. She blinks. "Carlos?" 

"Ah," Carlos says, sheepish. Junpei can half make out the beginning of a small smile as he brings a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. "Hey."

"Nobody's seen you for a few days," she says with a happier echo of his smile. "We would've been worried but you mentioned you were doing that Mars simulation mission. Is it over already?"

Carlos nods, shoulders relaxing. "Some complications came up and they had to end things prematurely. How's Maria been?"

"Same as ever. It's a shame the test mission fell through, you sounded a little desperate for it to work out." She sighs, waving a hand absently before she blinks at Junpei and the rest of them. "You've never brought other visitors before. Are these friends of yours?"

Carlos glances back, exhales on a wider smile. "This is Junpei, Akane, and her brother Aoi. We met during the test mission and hit it off a little bit." His voice is low and fond. The nurse raises an eyebrow at the tone, mouth still curved up easy, amused, like she's getting the wrong idea.

Akane bows her head. "It's truly nice to meet you," she says as Junpei offers a small, awkward, wave.

"I wasn't a part of their fun space adventure, just came to pick up my sister out of the kindness of my heart," Aoi says. Akane does an impressive job rolling her eyes. "Since we all know each other and we live in the same state, we figured we'd visit when we dropped him off at home." He elbows Carlos in the side with a grin. "Right, Mr. Fireman?"

Carlos snorts. "Uh-huh, sure."

The nurse raises a hand up to cover her mouth with a short laugh. "Nice to meet you, I'm Cathy. I have to be on my way, but I'm sure Maria would be happy meeting some new company," she says and walks off, hand raised in a small wave goodbye.

They follow as Carlos takes a step forward towards the door, opens it. 

The room is small, walls white and sterile, and scarely furnished outside of the typical hospital machinery. The window, curtains pulled open, shows off an impressive view of the blue sky outside. A couple of chairs line the underside of it, the one pulled up by the bed is probably where Carlos haunts every time he visits.

On the bed, Maria is hooked up to a multitude of machines monitoring her breathing, her pulse, her fluids. Her blonde hair is cropped short, Junpei can see the veins in her eyelids, ice blue. Carlos makes a beeline for the bedside chair, hand grabbing for hers gently to cradle it between both of his. 

"Hey," he starts, low and soft. Akane takes a step towards him and places her hand on his shoulder. He spares her a small glance before turning back to his sister. "Happy New Year, Maria. Sorry I couldn't wish you it sooner but I had a few things to take care of."

Next to Junpei, Aoi crosses his arms and leans back against the wall. 

Junpei takes a small step forward and halts as Carlos continues, nearly too low to be heard by anyone else. "The Mars simulation didn't turn out the way I anticipated but I met some people there who said they could help you wake up."

"Close your eyes," Akane murmurs just as soft and Junpei takes another step forward, toward her. "Concentrate on her hand in yours and just reach out."

"Just reach out," he parrots, leans over to press his forehead against their linked hands. Akane keeps her hand on his shoulder, uses her other hand to smooth her dress down as she sits on the arm of the chair. Her thumb starts to rub soothing circles against his back.

Another step. 

"We're all here, Carlos. Our resonance will you stronger."

Carlos hums absently.

Junpei's foot hits the back of the chair on the next step. He lets the momentum pitch himself forward slight, until he can cover Akane's hand with his own. She turns her head, the movement so little that the only giveaway is the tiny swing of her ponytail. Her eyes are closed but she's still watching, she always is, as Junpei takes the other arm of the chair. 

The air around them thrums with something electric, almost lightning. If he closes his eyes, Junpei can see the outlines of golden threads, spidering out from each other like a web, like he could touch them and watch them all break. He imagines Carlos picking through them, carefully untangling the knots around his sister's head, her throat, until she can breathe again, until the threads no longer sew her eyes closed. 

Junpei concentrates on his hand, Akane's, against Carlos's back and hopes, for them, it works.

And for the longest time, the room is silent.

Junpei feels like he's floating, the only anchor point he can feel is the warmth of a hand underneath his own, the connection pouring into the room around them and pooling underneath his feet.

Feet phantom wet, they sting and he pushes it aside before he can feel them ache and remember, before they leak into everyone else's awareness. He feels a curiosity nag at the back of his head and pushes that aside too. 

When he opens his eyes, he's tipped vulnerably close to Carlos's curled back. Junpei can feel Akane along his side, her eyes still closed, her hand still resting delicately between his hand and Carlos's back. He leans back and catches ice blue.

Junpei brings his other hand up to rub at his eyes.

When he opens them again, Maria is staring at him.


	5. are we gonna make it real?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akane had settled down on one of the padded benches in the waiting room, brushed the back of her yellow dress flat, prim. Aoi had immediately taken the seat to her right and complained, loudly, about the uncomfortable plastic chair before wrestling out a few dollar bills from his pocket into Junpei's hand and ordering him to get them something from the vending machine they had passed on their way down.
> 
> He had grumbled, slipping the bills into his pocket, until Akane batted her eyelashes with a small 'please?'
> 
> Aoi laughed at how easy he caved.

Junpei grips at Akane's hand, Carlos's back. He can feel his nails digging in as he curls his fingers harder. On the bed, Maria is still staring, eyes piercingly haunted. Her brows are furrowed in something a step away from anger.

Fear, maybe.

' _ Can you really fix this _ ,' Junpei hears bleeding into the back of his skull, biting and raspy. Maria's eyes are boring into his own. ' _ She– _ ' her gaze briefly flits over to Akane, eyes still closed, body still relaxed against the two of them like nothing's happening at all. 

Maria continues, ' _ I can hear her trying to guide my brother on what to say to me. I can see all the things she's done, what you've all done. You said I was scared. I am. You said you'd want to stay in your head too if you could. _ ' She pauses and glances at Carlos, at Akane, at Aoi behind them all, before looking back up at Junpei.

' _ Why _ ,' she asks finally, after all the air has been sucked out of the room and Junpei can feel his toes turning blue.  _ 'Why are you awake? _ '

Junpei hums on an idle sound, clenches and unclenches his hand against Akane and Carlos, feels the heat of them against his palm.

' _ I don't know _ ,' he thinks because he knows she can hear him. ' _ Akane's done some fucked up shit, sure, but it's always been for some reason she believed in. I can't say I believe in it too but I believe in her. _ '

' _ Why are you awake? _ ' Maria asks and it feels wild, desperate, like she's drowning too.

He exhales on a laugh, the sound half stilted and humourless. ' _ I just want to be with her, gotta be awake for that. I'm probably an idiot for it _ ,' he pauses slight.  _ 'No, I'm definitely an idiot for it, but I love her. I want to marry her someday. _ '

_ 'I want to marry her someday _ ,' he repeats just as crazed as Maria's question makes him feel. ' _ The world's going to shit, I just want to be with her. _ ' 

' _ Okay. _ '

' _ Okay? _ '

' _ Yeah _ ,' she says. Thinks? She sounds exhausted, closing her eyes again and resting her head back against the pillow, letting her lungs fill with machine oxygen. ' _ I miss my brother. If you both trust her, what other choice do I have? _ '

' _ You could stay here. _ '

There's a huffed noise, almost musical, that sounds against the back of Junpei's head. ' _ This place fucking blows, Junpei. _ '

And then quieter but no less strong, she continues, ' _ I'm sick of hurting him. _ '

* * *

When Junpei opens his eyes, he's slumped over sideways, forehead pressed directly against Carlos's shoulder, Akane's hand. He can feel Akane's arm pressed against the side of his head. 

He feels heavy, his head aches. Carlos is still hunched over, into the link between him and his sister. Junpei blinks slightly, takes a moment to just breathe before he sits up.

Akane, eyes open, looks over at him and tilts her head. Her hand, underneath his, flexes against his harsh grip. He relaxes into the gesture once again as she tips her hand over and links her fingers through his.

Maria’s eyes are still closed as she breathes and breathes and breathes. If it wasn't for that, Junpei would think they were statues.

"Junpei," Akane sighs, small and quiet in the thick air of the hospital room. Junpei can hear Aoi's shoes kick off the wall and start to cross the room behind them. 

"Is everything okay?" she asks as Aoi unlocks the latch of the window and pries it open. Junpei feels desperate for air.

"Yeah," he says, just as quietly, voice cracking on the word but he means it. Maria's alright, she wants to wake up. "Everything's fine."

Carlos shutters open when Maria opens her eyes, eyelids fluttering useless until she settles them, briefly, on Junpei and slides her gaze down to meet her brother as he starts to sit up. 

He makes a noise, soft, when he meets it. His hands grip hers harder.

* * *

Maria had watched them as they left. Junpei could feel her eyes tracking them amid the flood of doctors that marched in the room. 

Akane had settled down on one of the padded benches in the waiting room, brushed the back of her yellow dress flat, prim. Aoi had immediately taken the seat to her right and complained, loudly, about the uncomfortable plastic chair before wrestling out a few dollar bills from his pocket into Junpei's hand and ordering him to get them something from the vending machine they had passed on their way down.

He had grumbled, slipping the bills into his pocket, until Akane batted her eyelashes with a small 'please?'

Aoi laughed at how easy he caved.

* * *

It takes an hour for Carlos to return. 

He looks exhausted, older, but there's a grin stretching across his face that lightens the feeling in Junpei’s stomach.

Akane and Aoi hadn't been worried over much of anything outside of the impending dread of the other people lingering in the waiting room, or the way the uncomfortable seats felt against their ass. Junpei knew logically that Maria was fine, awake as she had promised to do, but it hadn't completely quelled the knots his stomach had twisted into seeing everything happen so quickly.

Seeing Carlos now does. 

Junpei thinks he's a nice fit to this strange little group they've pulled together in the wake of D-com.

Akane stands to meet him, a step ahead of Aoi and Junpei. She brushes down the front of her dress, Junpei can see her mouth curl in a matching smile. "Good news?"

"Yeah," Carlos exhales and unshoulders the weight on him. "She's completely stable vitals wise. She'll need a lot of physical therapy to deal with all the muscle she's lost but she's always been stubborn."

"I'm glad," Akane sighs and steps closer, arms open. Carlos's smile widens into a grin as he pulls her in, tight, lifts her off the ground. She laughs and wraps her arms, just as tight, around his shoulders. They make a nice picture, one Junpei wants to keep forever. The realization settles heavy in the bottom of his abdomen. 

"Thank you so much," Carlos says as he buries his face into her hair. A little louder, muffled by her, he says, "all of you, thank you so fucking much."

Aoi leans over the empty seat between them, still warm from Akane, and nudges his elbow into Junpei's ribs with a smirk. "You gonna take that?"

Junpei rolls his eyes and stands to join them. "Only if i'm next,” he says and doesn't care who pulls him in first.

* * *

Akane is small next to him as she stands on the tiny balcony of Carlos's apartment. Her fingers are curled along the railing as she looks out into the night. Junpei can feel her shoulder against his side, warm and comforting. 

The ring in his pocket sits heavy.

"Junpei," she sighs out, slow and careful. He watches it curl like smoke in the air around them. 

"Yeah?"

"I don't know if I've really made it clear but you know I love you, right?"

Junpei breathes into the bare minimum of a laugh. It feels surreal how insignificant it feels to hear that, how trivial the words are. It's something she's never said quite in those words, something evident in her actions alone. They've died for each other so many times to live here, now. 

They aren't normal, nothing of their lives have been and, if Akane remains Akane, nothing of their lives ever will be.

He doesn't know what to say back. Nothing feels quite right, enough. Eventually he settles on, "you wore the ring I gave you for forty five years on the wrong hand.

She hums. "You never got the chance to fix it."

"No," he says simple and doesn't look at her, doesn't need to to know she's smiling, somewhat. "You never let me."

"No," she echoes. "I didn't."

Junpei reaches for the ring and leans forward, to rest his elbows against the railing until he can feel Akane's hand next to him.

Beneath them, the city twinkles. Junpei can hear the cars rushing past on the nearby highway, the horns of the ones stuck in traffic on the streets underneath those. Akane's ponytail sways in the light breeze, bundled down for the same reason Junpei had donned another pair of socks before stepping out with her, tugged his jacket on.

"You could now," she offers just as quiet as the wind after what feels like forever.

"Yeah," he says. "I could."

* * *

"So," Aoi starts and pauses to blow a bubble and snap it between his teeth. He's sitting on Carlos's couch, arms thrown over the back of it. His legs are crossed, propped on the coffee table. Junpei thinks he's the textbook definition of a douchebag. "What's next?"

"What's next?" Carlos repeats. He's been walking between the opening of the kitchen and the living room area for the past hour, frenetic energy wearing a clear path into the floor. Junpei can't tell if he's surprised that Carlos can cook or not. 

"Yeah." He snaps another bubble. "My sister and Junpei getting a white picket fenced in house?"

"Hm," Akane says, hand lifting to her face as she pretends to consider the image. "But where would you be?"

His next bubble is big, Junpei imagines it popping against his entire face like in the cartoons. "Me?" Aoi gestures to all of himself like an absolute tool. “I'll live there too."

“The hell you will,” Junpei says with a roll of his eyes and listens to Akane laugh, clear like bells. She leans into his shoulder, throwing a look over to Carlos who's walking into the living room proper now. She pats the cushion next to her, the small part of the loveseat that's still open. 

Chancing a glance over to Junpei, Carlos hesitates until Junpei reaches over behind Akane to touch at the seat too, curls his fingers over hers and pats at it once. Akane smiles up at him and settles her other hand on his knee. 

Junpei can feel the band of the ring through his jeans.

"Carlos," she says and he laughs, eyebrow raised even as he walks over.

"Sit down," Junpei follows before Carlos can open his mouth to question her. 

The smile he throws them is weathered amused, crooked at the edge with eyes crinkled fond. "There's a perfectly good half open couch over there."

"Yeah," Aoi adds, almost unheard against the deafening sound of forward momentum. "Do I smell or something?"

Akane's smile lifts further. She curls her hand against Junpei's knee and pats their intertwined hands against the seat again with a giggle. "Carlos," she says again. "We're a team, aren't we?"

He sits. 

It's a tight fit, Junpei pushes himself onto the arm of the chair to help compensate Carlos's bulk. He looks so big sitting next to Akane, all height and muscle. Junpei turns towards them, stretching his legs out over their laps. Giddy, Akane leans against him again until her head is resting against his lap. 

Carlos breathes out on a snort and watches Akane cover Junpei's ankle where it rests on his lap. He brings his own hand up to match it, swipes his thumb against bone. Her hand is completely dwarfed. 

"...yeah," he says after a long pause, long enough for Aoi to pull out his phone again, pop music unrecognizable layered under the tin shout of high pitched voices and grating rhythmic chimes. Junpei watches Carlos carefully, his head tipped down towards the link between them all. 

"Yeah," Carlos says again, louder, more confident, closer to the leader he was back at D-com. "We are."


End file.
